Welcome to the Unapologetic Era: Let’s Talk Shame
Remember that time in middle school when you wore two different colored socks and someone pointed it out, causing your soul to momentarily leave your body? Or the time you snorted while laughing on a first date and immediately started planning your new life as a hermit? We’ve all been there. Shame is a powerful, cringe-inducing emotion that society, for centuries, has been particularly keen on weaponizing against women. We’re handed a rulebook the size of a phone book from the 90s, filled with unspoken (and often contradictory) rules on how to look, act, feel, and exist. Be ambitious, but not threatening. Be smart, but don’t show off. Be a devoted mother, but keep your pre-baby body. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
Well, I’m here to officially declare that the Shame Game is over. We’re retiring. We’re handing in our two weeks’ notice to the Guilt Corporation and cashing in our 401(k) of Self-Doubt. In the glorious, chaotic, and wonderfully complex 21st century, it’s time to reclaim our power by shedding the shame that was never ours to carry in the first place. Let’s toss that invisible rulebook into a ceremonial bonfire and dance around it. Here are nine things that women should absolutely, positively, and unapologetically never feel ashamed of again.
1. Your Glorious, Unfiltered Body
Let’s start with the big one. The vessel that carries you through every triumph, every heartbreak, and every late-night taco run. For decades, we’ve been told our bodies are projects in constant need of renovation. Too big, too small, too curvy, not curvy enough, too hairy, too wrinkly, too… human. We’re supposed to be in a perpetual state of ‘before,’ striving for an ‘after’ that’s always just out of reach.
Feel ashamed of your body hair? Please. You’re a mammal, not a freshly peeled potato. Ashamed of your stretch marks? Those are tiger stripes, my friend, earned from the epic journey of growth. Scars? They’re just tattoos with better stories. Cellulite? A sign that you have skin and fat, two things required for survival. And aging? Getting older is a privilege. Those laugh lines are a map of every joke you’ve ever found hilarious. Your body is not an ornament for others to critique; it’s your home. Decorate it, nourish it, move it in ways that feel good, and refuse to feel an ounce of shame for how it looks while doing its incredible job of keeping you alive.
2. Your Sky-High Ambition (Or Lack Thereof)
There’s a strange tightrope women are expected to walk when it comes to ambition. If you’re driven, aiming for the C-suite, and have a five-year plan that would make a drill sergeant weep with pride, you risk being called ‘bossy,’ ‘aggressive,’ or ‘intimidating.’ It’s the corporate equivalent of being told to ‘smile more.’
On the flip side, if your greatest ambition is to perfect your sourdough starter, read every book on your nightstand, or create a life that prioritizes peace over promotions, you might be labeled ‘lazy’ or ‘unmotivated.’ It’s a lose-lose situation. Here’s the truth: Your ambition is yours alone. It’s not a competition. Want to be a CEO? Amazing. Go shatter that glass ceiling into a million sparkly pieces. Want to be a stay-at-home parent? Incredible. You’re raising the next generation. Want to be a freelance artist who works from a van while traveling the country? Phenomenal. Your life’s purpose is not up for public debate. Own your definition of success, whether it involves a corner office or a corner of a quiet café.
3. The Great Uterus Debate: Your Choices on Motherhood
It seems that from the moment a woman hits puberty, her uterus becomes a topic of public interest, like a local landmark that everyone has an opinion on. The questions start rolling in: ‘When are you having kids?’ ‘Don’t you want to give your parents grandchildren?’ ‘You’re not getting any younger!’ It’s as if our primary function is to be an incubator.
Let’s be crystal clear. Your decision to have children, not have children, have one child, have ten children, have them at 25, have them at 45, adopt, or foster is 100% your business. Choosing to be child-free is not a selfish act; it’s a valid and conscious life choice. Waiting to have kids until you’re ready is not a mistake; it’s responsible. Being a single mother by choice is not a tragedy; it’s a testament to strength. There is no right or wrong answer, only the one that is right for you. Your life, your body, your choice. End of story. Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed for the path you choose to walk.
4. Having Feelings (Gasp! The Horror!)
Ah, the ’emotional woman’ trope. A classic. We cry during a sad movie, we’re ‘hysterical.’ We express frustration at work, we’re ‘being dramatic.’ We show passionate anger about injustice, we’re ‘out of control.’ For centuries, women’s emotions have been dismissed and pathologized as a sign of weakness or instability.
This is, to put it mildly, complete nonsense. Emotions are a fundamental part of the human experience. They are signals. Sadness tells us we’ve lost something important. Anger tells us a boundary has been crossed. Joy tells us we’re aligned with our values. To suppress these feelings is to suppress a part of your humanity. Crying is a biological stress reliever. Getting angry is a catalyst for change. Feeling giddy with happiness is good for your soul. So, feel your feelings. All of them. They are not a liability; they are your superpower. Anyone who tells you you’re ‘too emotional’ is likely just uncomfortable with their own feelings.
5. Your Sensational Sexuality
Sexuality is another area where the contradictory rulebook is in full effect. Women are expected to be sexy, but not sexual. Desirable, but not desirous. We’re shamed for having too much sex (‘slut-shaming’) and for not having enough (‘prude-shaming’). We’re shamed for our preferences, for our kinks, and for simply talking openly about what we enjoy.
Your sexuality is a natural and beautiful part of who you are. It’s something to be explored, celebrated, and enjoyed on your own terms. Whether you’ve had one partner or one hundred, whether you’re straight, gay, bi, asexual, or still figuring it out, your sexual life is your domain. You have the right to pleasure. You have the right to consent, and you have the right to withdraw that consent at any time. You have the right to explore your desires without judgment. Never, ever let anyone make you feel ashamed for owning your body and your pleasure.
6. Your Bank Account & Financial Freedom
Money is still a weirdly taboo subject, especially for women. If you earn more than your male partner, it can be seen as a threat to his masculinity. If you earn less, you might feel like you’re not contributing enough. If you’re in debt, you’re irresponsible. If you’re a savvy investor, you’re ‘unfeminine.’ It’s a minefield.
Financial independence is one of the most empowering tools a woman can have. Your income, your savings, your investments, and yes, even your debts, are part of your story. There is no shame in being the breadwinner. There is no shame in being a stay-at-home partner who manages the household budget. There is no shame in asking for a raise you deserve. There is no shame in having student loans. Being open about money, learning about financial literacy, and taking control of your economic future is not something to be embarrassed about—it’s something to be incredibly proud of.
7. Your ‘Unladylike’ Hobbies and Interests
What exactly is a ‘ladylike’ hobby anyway? Needlepoint while sipping tea and fainting occasionally? The idea that certain interests are gendered is laughably outdated. Yet, women who are into gaming, heavy metal, fixing cars, coding, playing rugby, or any other stereotypically ‘masculine’ activity often face surprise or even ridicule.
Your passions are what make you uniquely you. If you find joy in the roar of a V8 engine, the strategy of a complex video game, or the thrill of a contact sport, that’s fantastic. Your hobbies don’t need to fit into a neat, socially-approved box. They don’t need to be pretty, quiet, or delicate. They just need to make you happy. So go ahead, build that computer, join that fantasy football league, learn to weld. Don’t dim your spark to fit someone else’s definition of what a woman ‘should’ be interested in.
8. The Superpower of Saying ‘No’
From a young age, many girls are socialized to be people-pleasers. We’re taught to be agreeable, helpful, and accommodating, often at the expense of our own needs and well-being. The word ‘no’ can feel like a four-letter word, loaded with the potential for disappointing someone, being seen as difficult, or creating conflict.
But ‘no’ is not a bad word. It’s a tool of self-preservation. ‘No’ is a complete sentence. Saying ‘no’ to extra work when you’re already burned out is not lazy; it’s setting a professional boundary. Saying ‘no’ to a social event when you need a quiet night in is not flaky; it’s practicing self-care. Saying ‘no’ to a request that makes you uncomfortable is not rude; it’s honoring your intuition. You are not obligated to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Every ‘no’ you say to something that drains you is a ‘yes’ to your own peace, health, and happiness. Never be ashamed of that.
9. Not Having It All Figured Out
There’s this pervasive myth of the perfect life timeline: graduate by 22, career established by 25, married by 28, kids by 30, house with a white picket fence by 32. It’s a neat, linear path that rarely reflects the beautiful, messy reality of life. And when we deviate from this imaginary schedule, shame can creep in.
The Myth of the Perfect Timeline
Maybe you’re 35 and changing careers for the third time. Maybe you’re 40 and happily single. Maybe you’re 28 and still living with your parents to save money. So what? Life is not a race. There is no finish line you’re supposed to be sprinting toward. It’s a journey of discovery, full of detours, plot twists, and character development. It’s okay to not know what you want to be when you grow up, even if you’re already grown up. It’s okay to be a work in progress. In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s what makes life interesting. Embrace the uncertainty and be proud of the unique, winding path you’re forging for yourself.
Conclusion: Live Loud and Shame-Free
Shame thrives in silence and judgment. The antidote is to live out loud, with compassion for ourselves and for others. By refusing to feel ashamed of our bodies, our choices, our feelings, and our perfectly imperfect lives, we reclaim our narrative. We send a powerful message to the world and to the next generation that a woman’s worth is not determined by how well she follows an outdated set of rules, but by the authenticity and courage with which she lives her own life. So go ahead. Wear the mismatched socks. Snort when you laugh. Take up space. Be unapologetically, gloriously you. The shame game is over, and you’ve already won.
